Written by Y.F. Wang, reviewed by Prashanth Kamalakanthan
"The very notion of ‘dialogue’ is culturally specific and historically bound, and while one speaker may feel secure that a conversation is happening, another may be sure it is not."
-Judith Butler, Gender Trouble
The rules of engagement call the ad hominem argument a logical fallacy. Attack the argument, the rules stipulate, not the person making the argument. But the imposition of this rule wholesale ignores the ways in which we are personally invested in the conversations that we have. When distance between people and arguments is a primary precept for argumentation in conversations about power, privilege, and social justice in particular, we risk ignoring how coming into conversation with each other can be labor intensive and that some conversations are going to be differentially taxing depending on our histories.
I realize, as I attempted to write this the first few times, that this piece is less argument than I originally intended. I could have easily written an essay on why the rules of engagement favor the privileged and that the logic of universalism, rationality, and dominant discourse perpetuates matrices of domination. While these notions are the inevitable background to this piece, I am much more interested in providing an affirmation of experience, of something that repeatedly happens to me, and maybe something that’s happened to you, too. If it looks like an argument, it’s because I am trying to convince myself. If you choose to continue reading, I welcome you and thank you for your time. But more than anything this is a grounding exercise. At this point, convincing the skeptical is less valuable to me than asserting the experience of those of us who have been burnt out by difficult, often political, conversations. My goal with respect to the moratorium on making ad hominem arguments is to both name this phenomenon as systematic gaslighting and to explore its role in degrading the mental wellness of us all.
My home screen is really cute
You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
i’m so happy this set of pictures exists. I’M NOT ALONE!
Every day ):
Congrats, you’re human :))
No but seriously, imagine if you digestive system couldn’t expand to accomodate food? You’d be in terrible pain every time you eat and would have to consume little quantities of liquid all day long to get your nutrition.
I need reminding sometimes.
no but you don’t even understand how much this needed to be done
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW! You are a human who accommodates for the nutrients you need to survive! how wonderful! please don’t be scared or ashamed of that!
^ AHHHHHH BELLIES R SO GR8
Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy
i’ve heard the original before…and this feels somehow sweeter and better.
I was thinking the other day that chronic illness sufferers are unbelievably good at coping because we really just have to be. We’ve been put into a situation where we have no choice but to simply carry on and manage. We may rarely be okay, but we cope, and there’s a lot to be said for that.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T SCROLL PAST THIS.
Scarleteen is a vital queer and trans positive sexual health resource. Their staff do an amazing job of creating really comprehensive and helpful articles on literally every sexual topic you can imagine. They also provide live chats, advice columns, moderated discussion forums, and SMS-based peer support. This site has helped me on countless occasions, and I refer at-risk queer and trans kids to this site every single day.
Scarleteen is invaluable.
And Scarleteen needs your help.
During their annual donation drive this year, the site was only able to raise $1,500. Only fifty people out of Scarleteen’s 350,000 unique monthly visitors contributed to the fundraising drive.
This means that unless Scarleteen sees a stable, sustained, 50% increase in donations, the site will essentially be forced to go dark on May 1. No more new content, no more advice columns, no more forums, no more live chat, no more SMS support.
This is devastating.
If Scarleteen goes dark, millions of young people, vulnerable queer and trans teens among them, will lose access to essential, fundamental sexual health resources. We cannot let this happen.
Please, please, please donate to Scarleteen. Consider making a recurring monthly contribution if you feel that this is within your means. Even $5 or $10 a month will go a long way to helping this very, very deserving organization.
And whether or not you’re able to donate at this time, please signal boost this and spread the word. Scarleteen does incredible, very necessary work, and they need our help.
I really want to snuggle and kiss people and have sex and be in a cute relationship but I am terrified I will like, fall apart and cry bunches the moment anything happens haha my life
wow look how fucking cute this lil guy is how could someone eat that cutie
for kath. and because cute
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